but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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