Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
