Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
