My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
