apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
