i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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