a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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