Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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