I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
