OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
