I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
