oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
