My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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