a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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