ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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