I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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