nut hugger
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
