I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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