its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
