im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize