I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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