I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
