you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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