I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
