Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
where are my eyebrows?
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