I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
