So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
