Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
