im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
