Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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