I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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