How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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