So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
