My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
