Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
