after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
