Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
