Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
