Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
