you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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