she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
