Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
