Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
