Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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