By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
