You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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