I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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