Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
