The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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