So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
