At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please come you make the beer taste better
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
