she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
