In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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