So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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