I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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