I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
