her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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