I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Green mimosas i think yes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
