i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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