The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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