U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
