all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
