tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wear drunk well.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
