My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
