dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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