Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
