Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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