That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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