the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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