Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up under a house in Key West
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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