: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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