nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
