I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
