I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
