3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
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