I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
