I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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