matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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