I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
