even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
