my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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