proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I enjoy the company of your penis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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