Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
