I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
