I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
